


Bring Me Back to You

by letters_of_stars



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, i think that covers all my bases, it's all just very emotional make-up sex really, smut with a little bit of plot trying to justify the smut, umm okay i guess here come the sex tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 02:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letters_of_stars/pseuds/letters_of_stars
Summary: It's five years before Rei and Nagisa first fall apart. It's another seven before they realize that maybe life is just better when they're together. (And then they have make-up sex.)





	Bring Me Back to You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first smut I've written in five years ohhh boy.  
> Written for the Reigisa Creative Works Exchange 2018 for no prompt at all.

It begins as a stupid argument over who makes dinner that somehow escalates into something much bigger, much more nasty, and, in the end, is enough to tear everything apart. Nagisa is the one to pack up and leave because Gou has a spare room with his name on it and the apartment is closer to Rei’s university anyway. He does it before Rei gets home that night so there are no parting words. No goodbyes. He doesn’t think he could handle it, actually look into the eyes of the boy he still loves and say that this is it. It’s over. 

Gou, of course, is the best person ever, and welcomes him into her place with two tubs of ice cream and a B-list movie marathon, and then she holds him while he cries. And cries, and cries, and cries. 

Five years. He’d really sort of thought they’d make it. 

Really sort of thought they’d get that happily ever after. 

 

* * *

 

Rei had made all sorts of new friends during school of course, and Nagisa has his work friends, so at least they don’t have overlapping social circles except when it comes to the swim team, who have all remained carefully neutral on the breakup thing. Even Gou just says that they probably both made mistakes and Nagisa knows she calls Rei regularly to check up on him. On the occasions the swim team—or usually just a part of it—decides to get together, either Nagisa or Rei call off, so it isn’t actually until six months after the breakup that they actually see each other again in person. 

“You said he wasn’t coming!” Nagisa hisses to Gou, who shrugs as swim team 2.0 files into the coffee shop and takes a picture with her phone of Romio and Ayumu with their arms around each other. 

“You can’t keep pretending he doesn’t exist.” 

Oh really? Nagisa had done a pretty damn good job, unfollowing Rei’s generally inactive social media accounts and erasing the texts between them. Perhaps he’d kept his favorite pictures of the two of them together, but it wasn’t like he scrolled through his phone at night crying or anything. Often. 

It is so hard to see Rei standing there in the coffee shop and not run to his side. He’d never been so aware of empty space until there was so much of it between them. And Nagisa knows exactly what Rei will order. He always orders a hot chocolate with skim milk and no whipped cream. Never got a taste for coffee. 

They don’t share a word the entire time. Nagisa attempts quick and furtive glances across the table, only to catch Rei’s eyes at one point. They quickly look away and Nagisa keeps his eyes safely fixed on the far wall while he finishes his coffee so quickly it burns his tongue for days. He excuses himself early and escapes the coffee shop so he can take a walk and clear his head. 

It isn’t too much of a surprise to hear footsteps racing to catch up and find Romio at his side before too long. With just the two of them, it’s much easier to get into conversations about how their lives are going, how jobs are working out, how families are faring. But Nagisa can also tell by the way Romio avoids the subject that what he really wants to talk about is Rei. 

“Are you alright?” Romio finally asks. “Things between you and Rei-senpai…”

Nagisa stuffs his hands in his pockets and grumbles, “You don’t have to call him senpai anymore.” 

Romio blinks a few times. “Ooookay,” he answers slowly. “I guess it’s just odd seeing you and Rei-san not…” He gestures vaguely with both hands for a few seconds and then gives up. “Not like yourselves.” 

“I’m perfectly like myself,” Nagisa snaps, and then sighs because it’s unfair to take this out on Romio. “I’m sorry. You’re just trying to care. But it’s fine. We’re fine. I’m fine. What’s done is done and all that.” 

Romio frowns a little and mumbles, “I guess I just got used to you two always being...close. You were always sort of the lovey-dovey couple. No offense.”

Why would he take offense at that? Nagisa had adored being the lovey-dovey couple, being able to hug Rei in public and kiss his cheek and throw his arms around his neck and make it clear to the whole world that he loved someone and Rei was it. 

Nagisa pats Romio on the shoulder. “It’s fine. I have to catch the train, so I’ll see you next time.” 

Of course it’s not fine. Nagisa eats ice cream from the container as he scrolls through Gou’s social media late that night, after she’s safely asleep and Nagisa can mope all he wants over the pictures she’d snapped of their coffee shop reunion.  It hurts his stomach to see Rei standing always a little awkward off to the side with no one to pull him into the forefront. None of Gou’s pictures captured Rei and Nagisa in the same frame at all, but Nagisa thinks that’s better than a picture that would show them so obviously trying to avoid each other. 

He’s so lonely in bed at night, just him and his oversized stuffed penguin he squishes tight to his chest to try to trick himself into thinking he’s not alone. 

 

* * *

 

It’s amazing, but time does pass. Nagisa throws himself into his work at the marine life institute, requests more hours, and generally puts that marine biology degree of his to good use. He and Gou get along well and she indulges him with late nights of horror movies and milkshakes the way he’d never been able to talk Rei into because Rei hates horror movies. And before he knows it, it’s been a year and Gou is telling him it’s time he puts himself out there again. 

But it’s  _ hard _ to put himself out there again! It sort of goes with the territory, being gay and not exactly wanting to brand it on his forehead. Not that he’s ashamed! Second year of college had been the year of completely embracing the rainbow flag, though there hadn’t been much need to come out to anyone since he’d already been dating Rei and some obvious assumptions had been made. It was the symbolism in embracing the rainbow, he’d insisted at the time and he still maintains that. There was a difference between saying he was dating Rei because it was Rei-chan and saying he was dating Rei because it was Rei-chan  _ and _ he was gay. But rainbow flag or not, it’s hard to approach cute coworkers and subtlety drop hints because the hints have to be the size of anvils and most of said coworkers are straight anyways. And Nagisa doesn’t feel like going to gay bars. He doesn’t want to have to drink to feel comfortable talking to any of those guys. He never had to drink to feel comfortable around Rei. 

His sisters are more than over his everlasting heartbreak. When he comes home for Christmas, Chiasa sets him up with an app and tries to get him excited about it, because his sisters have been all about embracing the rainbow flag along with him. “What sort of guy do you like?” she encourages as he swipes through the photos, and he gets whacked with a pillow when he answers, “Blue hair, red glasses, goes by the name of Rei-chan.” So it’s under duress he agrees to talk to one of the other guys on the app once he’s back in the city, a tall, muscular sort who smiles kindly enough in his photos and is also kind enough when they meet for lunch one day. On the second date he asks if he can kiss Nagisa goodnight, and Nagisa agrees. The kiss should feel good. This man is a good kisser. Rei had never been a very good kisser. 

Nagisa misses bad kisses. 

But he likes Aito good enough to keep going on dates. And introduce him to Gou. And tell his parents about him. And when Aito asks Nagisa to move in with him, well, he feels happy. The sort of happy he’d wondered for a while if it would ever come back. He falls asleep in someone else’s arms instead of hugging a giant stuffed penguin, and Aito loves working in the kitchen, so by the time Nagisa gets home from work smelling of fish, there’s dinner sitting ready and he really is very, very happy for two years.

It’s the sort of thing that could last forever.

He doesn’t know why, then, he sabotages it the way he does. But he begins to pick every fight he can and forget every important date and close himself off tighter and tighter until it must be like living with a ghost. Aito is frustratingly patient and far too good for this, but eventually there come the talks late into the night and the eventual separation and Nagisa shouldn’t feel as relieved as he does and the guilt over that makes him feel physically sick for days. 

“I think he would have spent the rest of his life with you,” Gou tells him quietly over drinks in his sparsely furnished new apartment. 

Nagisa agrees. But he just hadn’t felt the same. He doesn’t know why he hadn’t. He should have. It would have been sensible and easy to feel the same way. But maybe the fact that he hadn’t was why he’d had to ruin it.

Here he is, at the end of a relationship that spanned two years, and he doesn’t feel like even a single bowl of ice cream. 

 

* * *

 

After the breakup with Aito, Nagisa’s love life goes without outside interference for the longest blessed time. He dates casually when he wants to but mostly focuses on the animals he works with, which might be a little lonelier but is much easier overall. He goes on a cruise around the Mediterranean one Christmas that gives him lots of international friends and a new enthusiasm for ancient architecture. He fills his loft apartment with posters of Grecian buildings and pictures from his own trip and then thoroughly annoys everyone he knows by watching any movie he can get his hand on that involves ancient Greece or Rome and then quoting them incessantly. 

That trip is what gets him through the big grand swim team reunion dinner, everyone back in the same country, the same city, with a night free to catch up with each other. He spends most of the time showing Ayumu the pictures on his phone, and they’re a large enough group that he doesn’t have to be anywhere near Rei. He still feels his old teammates watching him, eyes probably flickering between him and Rei all evening, but Ayumu is a patient listener and Nagisa only makes eye contact with Rei once or twice the whole night. The first time they both look away quickly, but the second time Rei smiles, and Nagisa would be childish not to smile back. They’re both past their mid-twenties, after all. 

Rei looks good. His hair is longer now, and Nagisa thinks that his glasses are a darker shade of red than they used to be. He wears a comfy looking cardigan and has filled out a bit more since they broke up, not in a bad way, but a softer way. A professor doesn’t really need the arm muscles of a high school athlete. Nagisa hopes he’s happy. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s Rei. 

Nagisa wonders what he looks like to Rei now. 

The group disbands after a good dinner and Nagisa is walking the short distance to the train when he hears someone call his name. He turns around to find Rei jogging to catch up to him. 

“Rei-ch—!” he begins automatically, but maybe that isn’t the best way to go. Rei isn’t his Rei-chan anymore, not really. He clears his throat, knots his fingers together behind his back, and nods. “Rei,” he says simply when Rei catches up with him. “What’s up?” 

Rei’s eyes widen behind his glasses for a brief moment and Nagisa isn’t sure why, but then his little smile is back and he says, “I guess I just wanted to take the chance to...to finish things. Better than we did.” 

Nagisa thinks back to packing up and leaving before Rei got home and the silent treatment they’d given each other afterwards. No texts. No nothing. A complete break from what Nagisa had assumed would be his forever. It had been exceedingly childish, all of it. Beginning with the assumption that there was a forever. “I guess we didn’t handle it as well as we would have,” he admits, and rubs distractedly at the back of his head. He has some expensive alcohol hidden away in a cupboard he’d very much like to go drink. 

Rei laughs awkwardly—each ‘ha’ punched out—and adjusts his glasses. “Well, it was our first relationship after all, and we were younger then. But I thought that now, we might just…”

Nagisa nods. “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. I shouldn’t have just left.” 

“That would have been nice,” Rei agrees. “At least Gou texted me to tell me where you were.” 

Nagisa blinks. “You...you wanted to know where I was?” 

Rei frowns and pushes at the bridge of his glasses again. “Of course. My boyfriend just upped and disappeared—I was frantic.” 

It’s Nagisa’s turn to scowl. “Boyfriend? You told me the night before that we weren’t going to work out!” 

“Well!” Rei’s voice is getting a little louder now, betraying the emotions he won’t let show on his face. “That didn’t mean I wanted you to just...leave! And I would have wanted to  _ try _ to work it out at least, instead of just ending it like that!” 

Nagisa’s never been good at keeping his emotions from his face. He crosses his arms and tries to gulp back the lump in his throat. “You said that it was over, that we were silly for thinking a first relationship would last that long, that it was best if we took a break and focused on the ‘truly important things’.”

“Well I was angry with you and said some things that were stupid in hindsight!” Rei huffs and turns his head away, fingers going to fiddle with the hair that hangs down into his eyes. “You shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye.” 

Nagisa watches Rei play with his hair and then, after a long moment of silence, asks softly, “You would have tried to work things out?” 

Rei casts him a look that is both disparaging and wounded. “I loved you, Nagisa. No matter what stupid things I said, I never wanted you to disappear on me like that.” 

The lump in his throat just keeps getting bigger. “I thought…” What had he thought back then? Oh yeah, that he wouldn’t be able to handle saying goodbye. “I thought it would be easier for both of us, if we didn’t have to see each other again.” Nagisa scuffs his shoes together and tucks his hair behind his ears. “And then you didn’t call or message me or anything... “ 

“You left our home in the middle of the day to move in with Gou without saying a word to me!” Rei snaps back. “Sorry if I didn’t want to call begging for forgiveness.” He pauses, then breathes out slow. “This isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go.” 

“How did you want it to go?” 

“I wanted to say goodbye,” Rei replies firmly, and sticks out a stiff arm. “Properly. That way...things between us can be over, and maybe we can go back to being friends again. Because it’s silly we should let a romantic relationship ruin us. We were best friends before we were lovers and I think our high school selves would be ashamed of how easily we let everything we were go.” 

Nagisa considers Rei’s proffered hand and thinks back to when he first met Rei, first felt that bloom of heat in his chest. It had never been ‘just friends’ for him the way it might have been for Rei. He doesn’t have that to fall back on. But he takes Rei’s hand just the same and lets Rei jerk their arms up and down. 

“Goodbye Rei,” he manages. And Rei smiles. 

“Is your phone number still the same?” 

Nagisa nods. 

“Then can I text you sometime?” 

Nagisa nods again and slowly retrieves his hand from Rei’s warm grip. “Yeah. Of course. Show me some pictures of your office or something.” 

“I will.” 

“Great.” Why does he feel like he’s going to cry? “I...I have to go. Work tomorrow. Bye...Rei.” Nagisa turns on his heel and starts off back down the street, and this time, Rei doesn’t follow him. 

And Rei never does text him either.

 

* * *

 

His sister Chiasa gives birth to Nagisa’s first niece, and holding her for the first time is one of the most amazing moments of his life. A week back home, with familiar Iwatobi surroundings, is rejuvenating, and he brings his youngest older sister back to Tokyo with him. She’s pursuing her photography dreams that have grown too big for a coastal town without even a proper gallery, and so he shares his apartment with Mizuki for a little bit while she gets her feet under her. She’d submitted her work to several of Tokyo’s smaller galleries, and finally gets a response from one. She leaves early in the morning with her portfolio and returns that night with takeout and several bottles of expensive wine. 

“Things went well?” Nagisa asks, quickly clearing off the table to make room for dinner, and she kisses his cheek and collapses on the couch with breathless laughter. “How much have you had to drink already?” 

“I’m drunk on life,” she replies, but she is most definitely tipsy on something else, and Nagisa spends most of his evening trying to deal with a clingy older sister who, inevitably, ends up railing on his love life. “Get that app out again!” she orders, and they spend a good hour dismissing potential matches, and Nagisa’s just glad she’s being as picky about this as he is. 

“You need a solid relationship, something real,” Mizuki declares when they’re into the third bottle of wine. 

“Says the girl who’s never had a relationship last more than a week,” Nagisa grumbles, trying to clean up the mess of takeout. Mizuki waves a dismissive hand. 

“That’s me, though. I  _ like _ living like that. It makes things exciting. But you…” 

“I like excitement!” 

She scoffs. “You like having fun. What you want is something forever.” 

Nagisa tosses a bunch of food cartons in the trash and sighs. “I’ve tried forever. It didn’t work.” 

“Because they weren’t the right person!” Mizuki tells him patiently, and stretches out on the couch so that when he returns, Nagisa ends up sitting on her legs. “You won’t find something real on an app,” she declares. 

“Well, how else do I meet people? I work with penguins all day, remember?” 

Mizuki grins. 

 

* * *

 

Speed-dating is the most god-awful invention in the history of mankind, Nagisa decides after staggering from the bar, exhausted in every single sense of the word. Mizuki owes him big for even suggesting it. But, because it will get her off his back, he retains at least one number and goes on a disastrous date that takes up almost the entire time of moving her into her own place to relay all the gritty details. 

“Wait, so after all that, he still wanted to be invited up to your apartment?” 

Nagisa adjusts his grip on the cabinet to center it on the wall. “Did I say ‘invite’? I mean he pushed ahead of me into the building and had his arm around my waist—like...uncomfortably tight—and asked which floor I was on so I told him penthouse and ran out of the elevator right before the doors closed and called Gou and she let me crash at her place.” He sets the cabinet down and brushes his hands together. “So no more speed-dating ever and I mean that. I was terrified he’d still be waiting there the next morning.”

Mizuki winces as she unpacks some family pictures and a weird pottery elephant she has a strange affinity for. “Okay. Agreed. No more speed-dating.” 

Nagisa shoves the cabinet just a little to the left and nods emphatically. No more dating at all, if he has any say in it. “I am perfectly content to stick to my beloved penguins from now on, thank you.”  

 

* * *

 

Two more years pass comfortably loveless. He doesn’t approach anyone and nobody approaches him, and that’s just fine. He has work to keep him busy. He supports Mizuki’s art galleries and visits Iwatobi to see his niece as often as he can. He sees his friends individually and even attends swim team reunions. It still hurts to see Rei, and part of Nagisa wants to ask why that text never came, but he gets better at putting the hurt aside. Rei has his own life that Nagisa has no control over. And Nagisa has his own life too. So he smiles through the reunions and takes all the good stuff that he can. He’s lucky to have so many people who still want to keep in touch, even if Rei isn’t one of them.

So whatever. He’s happy. He doesn’t feel like some vital part of his life is missing just because he doesn’t have a boyfriend, and a little online shopping works wonders in the sex department. Sure, he sometimes misses the intimacy of loving someone, the comfort of being with a person who has accepted him wholly and completely and doesn’t mind if he wants to complain about Sean from the sea otter exhibit for the fourth time that night, but it’s fine. He works on himself instead. Watches yoga videos in the mornings to wake up and calls his parents more often and chills after work with snacks and manga because he deserves it. He calls Aito up and the two of them have coffee and Nagisa actually manages some closure on that relationship. He’s able to apologize for what went down between them and be genuinely glad that Aito is happy with someone else. The apology is a few years late, yes, but he thinks Aito appreciates it anyway. It took Nagisa a few years to realize falling out of love didn’t have to mean falling out of everything. Also, admittedly, a few years to learn not to be so stubborn. 

So things are good. They really are. Sometimes happily ever afters turn out a little different from what you expect. Sometimes happily ever after is penguins.

He’s just finished doing some routine check-ups on his beloved penguins, in fact, when a coworker approaches him and asks if he’s seeing anyone. 

“Um…” Nagisa never knows how to approach this. “Technically no.” 

His coworker grins and wipes an arm across a sweaty brow. “Would you be up for a date?” 

“Um!” He really, really hates this! “Sorry, Hinako, I’m...I don’t date girls.” 

“Oh, I know that! Tenya told me.” Ah, yes. Tenya had been one of those unfortunate colleagues Nagisa had tried to test the waters with to find out he was straight as an arrow. Were they all gossipping about him now? Hinako seems to catch onto his expression and waves her arms back and forth. “Not like that! I just...had a feeling, and he confirmed it. I mean, you have all those rainbow pins on your bag and everything. See, I have this friend I think you’d get along with. But he doesn’t really date so I thought maybe a blind date would…” She stares at his unamused expression and deflates. “Look, this is about me helping my friend, not wanting to interfere in your life. Think about it?” 

Sure, he agrees. He’ll think about it.

“Just do it,” Gou tells him when he calls her that evening. “It’s one date with some lonely guy. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” 

“Remember the speed-dating incident?” Nagisa reminds her. He’s holding that card in his hand forever. 

“Well, don’t let him follow you back to your apartment this time, dummy.” 

Which is how Nagisa ends up hurrying home from work on Friday, showering away the smell of fish, and arriving at a little restaurant that Hinako had told him about. She’d also told him that the dress code was business casual, but he’d leaned more towards the casual side of things after a full shift. His jeans don’t have holes in them, so Mr. Mystery Man will have to be content with that. He’ll die before he lets anyone take his softest t-shirt off of him. “I’m...uh...meeting someone here?” he tells the host, and feels his face getting warm. “Like a blind date thing? I guess there’s supposed to be a daisy on the table?” 

The host nods and leads him to a secluded table where a single daisy sits in a tall beaker of water. She smiles softly and tells him she will help his date find their way back here. Nagisa nods and tries to calm his churning stomach while he sips at his water. He should have stuck to penguins. But hey, he has another shift day after tomorrow, so it will be him and his babies again, just like it should be. 

He hears the footsteps of the host as she returns to his little corner of the restaurant and keeps his eyes trained on the floor. This is oddly embarrassing. 

“Here you are sir,” the host says, and his date sits across from Nagisa, looking very business casual in a cardigan over a dress shirt and tie. “Your waiter will be with you shortly.”

“Um…” Nagisa starts, shifting his gaze over to his napkin, perfectly folded into a white fan. “So I guess my name is—” 

“Nagisa,” his date says, and Rei smiles bashfully when Nagisa’s head snaps up. “I think I know that one.” 

“You...you…” There are a lot of things he could say here, but the host is still within hearing range and profanity is probably not his best bet. He settles for, “You never texted me.” 

Rei’s smile evolves into a grimace. He pushes at his glasses and fiddles with his glass of water. “Yes. That. I wanted to. I really did. But then I was worried I would just be bothering you and pictures of my office seemed so boring and...and…” He sighs and hides his eyes behind his hand. “I can admit it. I was frightened. Of starting things between us again.” 

Nagisa bites at his lip and admires the decor. Lets Rei sweat it out a bit. “But you must have seen me here before you sat down. You could have left.” 

“And stand you up?” Rei lowers his hand and stares at Nagisa with shock that he would even suggest such a thing. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“No, but you would say you’ll text me and then never do that?” 

“Well,  _ you _ could have texted  _ me _ first. But you never did that.” Rei crosses his arms and stares down at Nagisa, using their slight height difference to his every advantage. They glare at each other for a moment before sighing simultaneously. 

“I can’t believe I got set up on a blind date with my ex,” Nagisa grumbles. 

“Maybe we can just enjoy dinner?” Rei suggests, hope tingeing his words. “Just the two of us?” 

Nagisa glances toward the restaurant door, then back at Rei’s open and eager expression. “Okay,” he agrees. “But I’m going to get a drink.” 

 

* * *

 

Once they get started, it’s far too easy to fall back into their old routines, their old rhythm. Rei tells Nagisa about his work as a professor, teaching advanced chemistry for the first time this semester. He has his own office, which he shows Nagisa on his phone using the photos he never sent, and is struggling to find the balance between challenging his students and making them all fail miserably. Nagisa was promoted a few times since their breakup, though he’s still at the same marine life institute. He likes it there, likes the practices, likes the focus on the animals and their wellbeing rather than creating a zoo. He talks about the offer to switch over to dolphin care, which is tempting, but he’ll probably turn it down. Obviously dolphins would be amazing to work with, but he likes his routine with the penguins too much. And he’d miss their little faces. 

At least being set up on a blind date means Nagisa doesn’t have to ask if Rei is seeing anyone. He does swirl his fruity alcoholic drink around the glass and says, softly, after their dinners have been served, “Hinako said you don’t really date.” 

Rei accidentally inhales his noodles and spends three minutes trying to breathe again. 

“Don’t die on me, geez, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says after he’s stopped pounding on Rei’s back. “That is  _ not _ how to impress on a blind date.” 

Rei nods wearily and removes his glasses so he can wipe at his eyes. “True. True. And no, I don’t…” He places his glasses back on his nose and stares down at his plate. “I tried dating a few times, but it never felt right.” 

“No?” 

Rei shakes his head. “No.” 

Nagisa takes another sip of his drink, feels the alcohol warm in his throat. “It never felt right to me either,” he admits, and then follows that up immediately with, “So how do you know Hinako?”

She’s the wife of a close colleague, as it turns out. “I should have known this would happen.” Rei’s interrupted by the server coming to take their empty plates. “I didn’t know she worked with you, but I knew she worked with sea life. And just my luck…” 

Things are a lot easier to say now Nagisa’s on his second drink. “Just your bad luck you ended up with me?” 

Rei stares at him for a few seconds, and then stands his menu up so it hides most of his face. “I didn’t say it was bad luck.” 

Nagisa considers that while he studies the dessert menu and then, very softly, says, because he may never have another chance, “I never texted you because I could never be just friends, Rei-chan. You were never just a friend for me.” He frowns. “Maybe not ‘Rei-chan’ anymore, huh? How about just ‘Rei’?” 

Rei’s voice is soft from behind the shelter of his menu. “I…I’ve rather missed Rei-chan, to tell you the truth. No one calls me that anymore.”

Nagisa sucks in breath and holds it. This is a tipping point, he realizes. Sort of like that decision to pack his things and leave, except that had been a terrible decision and he sort of hopes to make a better one now. He can let Rei keep hiding behind his menu, chalk this night up as a dismal failure, and return to his normal life. No Rei. Never again. Stick to that morning yoga instead. That’s certainly something he can do. A distinct possibility. 

It  _ had _ been a terrible decision to pack his things and leave, though. Why had he done that? How had he looked back on the five years of their relationship and decided there was nothing there worth salvaging? There had been a hell of a lot of good still there. There still is. He’d just been...so young and  _ stubborn _ and confused by the fact their perfect relationship had experienced a hiccup. But he shouldn’t have walked out like that. The wrong choice at a different tipping point.

Which is why maybe this time he can do this:

Nagisa very carefully sets his menu aside and reaches across the table to pull Rei’s down flat. They’re both blushing now, he knows. “Rei-chan,” he whispers. It’s claiming, and they both know it. His Rei-chan.

Rei meets his eyes for a moment, flushes an even deeper pink, and starts to play with his tie. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then the waiter comes to take their desert order and Rei doesn’t try again afterwards. He just keeps looking at Nagisa and then glancing away, the whole time until their desert arrives and they start eating. It’s obvious he has something he  _ wants _ to say though, so Nagisa keeps quiet. He can wait. Maybe this is Rei’s tipping point. 

Finally, Rei sets his fork down and reaches out to touch the daisy with a single careful finger. “Do you know what the daisy means in flower language?” 

Not exactly what Nagisa had thought Rei might say. He shakes his head. Rei plays with the daisy a moment longer and then says, low, almost like he doesn’t want Nagisa to hear, “The things I said to you that night are one of the biggest regrets of my life.” 

Nagisa scrapes the last bits of chocolate from his plate. “Well, I think we agreed I didn’t handle things well either.” He sighs, trying to sound mature and impassive, like he didn’t make his choice and is waiting to see if Rei chooses the same. “But you were probably right. I mean, high school relationships and first relationships don’t have great success rates, and we were both. And we were young and sort of stupid and not ready to be with somebody forever.” 

“I think we’re still relatively young and pretty stupid,” Rei agrees, and takes the daisy from the vial. The stem drips a few water stains on the tablecloth as he spins the flower between his fingers. “New beginnings,” he says. “The daisy is a symbol of new beginnings. Which I think Hinako chose as a symbol of me moving into the dating circle again but…ugh…” He glances at Nagisa from beneath that long fringe of hair. “You know I like to be practical, but do you think it’s even possible that the universe is able to send you a message?” 

Nagisa blinks and sets his fork down. Rei, believing in cosmic messages? “Are you sure you got enough air to the brain after nearly dying of noodles?” he asks, and Rei’s eyes go pleading. 

“This is hard enough already. Please either say something or laugh in my face.”

Nagisa brushes his fingers against his napkin and carefully reaches out to rub one of the daisy petals between thumb and forefinger. “What are you trying to say, Rei-chan?” 

“I...I…” Rei’s hand is shaking as he holds the daisy, just a little, and Nagisa knows what Rei’s choice is. 

They majorly fucked up when they broke up, that’s what the verdict is. 

So Nagisa makes the executive decision that it’s time to go. They can’t have a proper conversation about this in the middle of a restaurant. He lets the daisy go and grapples for his wallet. 

“Stay,” he orders Rei as he stands from his chair, like Rei is bound to bolt for the door the moment he leaves. Rei nods dumbly and Nagisa almost dashes through other dining couples to the host, where he asks breathlessly for the receipt and pays for it immediately without even checking the total. Then it’s back to their table. “Come on, Rei-chan.” He grabs Rei’s hand and pulls him from his chair. The daisy crumples a little between their fingers but Rei takes it with his other hand and tucks it away in his cardigan pocket while Nagisa guides him back to the front of the restaurant and out the door. 

“What are we even doing, Rei-chan?” he asks once they’re both outside in the late summer air, illuminated by the streetlights.  

Rei frowns and pulls the daisy from his pocket, twirls it around and studies it carefully. “I’m not sure. I just know that…” He presses his lips together firmly as his frown deepens, and then he lifts his head and meets Nagisa’s eyes. “I’ve realized that I am perfectly capable of living without you. I have survived seven years since you left and have a job I enjoy, a nice place of my own, friends, family...all those things.” 

“And?” Nagisa prompts when Rei falls silent. 

Rei returns the daisy to his pocket and manages a weak little smile as he squeezes his hand in Nagisa’s grip. “I can live without you. But what I’ve come to realize is that I would  _ choose  _ to live with you, given the possibility.” 

Nagisa swallows hard. “What, you decided this over just one dinner?” 

Rei shakes his head. “No. No, it’s something I’ve thought for a long time now. I just never had the chance to tell you. I was...frightened, but tonight might be my only opportunity.” 

“Rei-chan...” Nagisa whispers, and then starts pulling Rei off along the sidewalk.

“Where are we going?” Rei asks as he trips a little over his own feet. 

Nagisa laughs nervously. “I’m really not engaging my brain right now. I’m also a little...a little tipsy maybe. Um...but my apartment isn’t far.” 

“You, uh...you want to invite me into your apartment?” Rei asks, and, when put like that, Nagisa realizes exactly what it is he is actually kind of doing because no way is Rei in his apartment going to result in anything even closely resembling family friendly. It’s another tipping point. Because naturally it would be Rei who shows up and flips everything upside down again. One single dinner together and suddenly Nagisa’s thinking of love and relationships all over again which is so colossally  _ stupid _ he can’t believe himself, but here he is, inviting Rei up to his apartment because he...he wants more. Wants more of that natural way they fall back into each other, wants more of the feeling of Rei’s eyes on him, wants to feel Rei again, his hands and his bad kisses and everything else. Maybe it’s because they never really got a true goodbye. Maybe it’s because Rei saw Nagisa sitting in the restaurant and didn’t run away. Maybe because yeah, they’ve both discovered they can live without each other but with each other sounds so much nicer. Maybe it’s because Nagisa should never have packed his things and left. Maybe it’s a whole lot of things but here, at the tipping point, Nagisa realizes what he wants aren’t words and lengthy conversations about past mistakes but the simple pleasure of feeling Rei against him after so long a time. 

“I think I do want to invite you into my apartment,” he agrees, torn between anxiety and sheer annoyance at his stupid heart for beating so stupidly fast. 

“Oh,” Rei says, and looks just as anxious as Nagisa feels and that makes him feel better, somehow, as he leads Rei to his apartment building.

“This is nuts, Rei-chan!” he says at one point because it is, it really is. 

Rei nods. “Absolutely. We must both be crazy.” But his hand is locked in Nagisa’s own, fingers holding tight. 

They take the stairs up to Nagisa’s apartment, but Nagisa stops in front of his door before turning to Rei and backing up against the door, head down. “If this turns into a one night stand, it’ll break my heart, Rei-chan,” he whispers. 

And Rei, poor awkward Rei, leans down until he can reply right into Nagisa’s ear. “I never got over you, Nagisa. Maybe that’s why I never texted. Why I never felt I could face you. Because I knew how I still feel about you. And if I could do anything in the world, I would go back to that night and not say those awful things so that maybe now you could still be in my arms.” 

He’s shaking everywhere, Nagisa realizes. Slowly, giving Rei plenty of time to jerk back, he gathers Rei into a hug and pushes a hand through his hair. He can feel Rei’s glasses digging into the side of his neck. “We didn’t work once. What makes you think we’d work if we tried now?” 

Rei gasps wretchedly and Nagisa feels the tears splash hot onto his shirt. “Because I would try harder,” Rei says, hands coming up to grip helplessly at Nagisa’s arms. “Because I’m a little older and a little smarter and know what’s important now. I wouldn’t let you go again.” 

Oh God. Oh God. Nagisa holds Rei tighter and slumps against the door, eyes closed. “Then don’t let me go,” he whispers, and feels the heat of Rei’s body shift, feels Rei’s breath against his mouth. 

“Wait.” Rei pauses. “You said you were tipsy. Nagisa, we can’t do this if—”

“It was two lemon sours, I might as well have been drinking water,” Nagisa groans with exasperation, and Rei laughs before closing the last space between them for the kiss. 

It’s been seven years since their last bad kiss, and it’s the most wonderful thing in the universe. 

Somehow, Nagisa manages to find his keys via the massive keychain he’d clipped to them and gets the apartment door open. He and Rei nearly topple inside, and then it’s the mad struggle to find the lights while not wanting to separate for more than a second. Rei almost knocks over a lamp and then turns it on, and that’s enough for now. They fall onto the couch, and Nagisa takes advantage of having Rei beneath him, undoes the tie, unbuttons the cardigan. He finds the daisy in Rei’s pocket and smiles down at Rei, knowing full well his eyes are full of tears, and kisses him again and again and again. “I won’t let you go either,” he promises. “I’ll make dinner every night, though I hope you like frozen gyoza, and we can watch all those boring documentaries I never wanted to see and…” Rei laughs again and pulls Nagisa down for another kiss. “...and if we do this now, I just want you to know you’re signing up for forever!” Nagisa finishes when he has the spare breath. 

“Good.” Rei shrugs off his cardigan and moves up the couch so he can lean up against the arm, turn the frantic makeout session into something slower, something gentler. He holds Nagisa’s waist while Nagisa sits in his lap, prevents him from hurrying it up the way he wants to, and so it’s very slowly in the dim light of one lamp with its shade askew that Nagisa strips Rei of his nice button down shirt and tosses it to the floor along with the poor battered daisy. “I’ve...uh…gained some weight,” Rei mumbles and Nagisa can tell he’s trying to suck in his stomach. 

Nagisa leans over and starts kissing at Rei’s neck. “It’s a good look on you.”

“What, extra weight?” 

“Half-naked on my couch, but yeah, that too.” He continues his line of kisses down, pays some attention to the broad shoulders he loves, then down to the little extra roundness around Rei’s middle. “You’re perfect,” he declares with finality, and Rei covers his face with both hands, blush spreading like wildfire. “Don’t blush Rei-chan, or you won’t be able to handle what comes next.” 

“What comes next?” Rei reveals one eye. “You mean…?” 

Nagisa raises his eyebrows and sits back, arms folding. “You think I’m taking your clothes off for a sensual massage or something?” No, he shouldn’t be getting irritable because things aren’t moving as fast as he wants. “I can try to give a sensual massage,” he offers, tone softening, and reaches back to rub at Rei’s shoulders a little. He’s missed these shoulders. “If that’s what you want. I think I might have a candle somewhere. Mizuki owns five thousand of the things, she probably left one around here someplace. Probably smells like pine forest or candy cane instead of anything sexy, but I don’t think I have sexy music either so I’ll probably just turn on the radio. Still want a sensual massage?” He grins down at Rei, who uncovers the rest of his face and rolls his eyes. 

“You’re more snarky than I remember.” 

“I’m getting old and cynical.” Nagisa leans down and kisses Rei’s lips again. “Still want me?” 

Rei hums and tightens his hands around Nagisa’s waist, and then in an instant Nagisa is the one on his back, Rei pinning him down in a way that somehow lets him know that if said pinning should be protested in any way, Rei will leap back as if scalded but is, nevertheless, a pin. 

“I want you.” Rei’s voice is scratchy and has dropped an octave. It makes Nagisa shiver, and his skin turns up in goosebumps wherever Rei’s hands touch, slow and gentle, as he divests Nagisa of his t-shirt and jeans. 

“You’re...better at this than I remember,” he gasps out when Rei starts kissing hot behind his ear. 

“Are you saying I was bad at sex?” 

“I’m just saying this feels really—ah!—nice—ah, ah, Rei-chan…” He’s glad Rei’s hair is longer now. It gives him more to grip to pull Rei’s face back to eye level. “Isn’t this the part where you start talking about proper sexual hygiene?” 

Rei squints behind his glasses and gnaws a little on his bottom lip. “Would I be ruining the mood?” 

“You never seemed to care before.” And honestly, Rei’s insistence on hygiene had been oddly endearing. “Come on, showering together is still sexy. If you ignore the ‘too many limbs in too small a space and everyone gets soap in their eyes’ thing.” 

Rei makes a face but they end up in the shower anyway. “Okay,” he blubbers, rinsing down with the extra-strength body wash Nagisa uses to get rid of the smell of fish. “Okay, so—ouch, those were my ribs—so what sexual acts were you thinking…?” 

Nagisa is taking the chance to wash his hair while he’s in the shower anyway. “I love it when you talk dirty like that.” 

Rei rubs wearily at a temple. “Okay, we don’t have to—” Honestly, Nagisa loves showering with Rei. His lack of glasses plus all the steam makes him so easy to surprise with a kiss. It tastes a little soapy, but maybe that’s more hygienic. 

“We will. Because it will drive you nuts if we don’t.” 

“It will,” Rei admits, and kisses him again, and Nagisa has missed this too. Even this.

 

* * *

 

Nagisa had sort of forgotten what state he’d left his bed in and makes the complete mistake of waving Rei in that direction while he finishes up in the bathroom. He wraps himself up in his extra fluffy housecoat, slips his phone in the pocket just in case, and unsuccessfully tries not to skip down the hall, but the skip dies when he joins Rei in the doorway, looking at the mess that is the mattress on the floor, covered with various blankets, unfinished snacks, about two years worth of manga, and a giant cuddly penguin. 

Rei looks down at him, one brow raised, and says, “Our new bed will not look like that.” 

Nagisa winces and scurries forward to try to tidy up the food at least. “Maybe I regressed a little during bachelor life, okay? Look, I’ll just...throw the books somewhere and…” 

Rei walks over to the mattress and bends over to begin stacking the manga volumes. “I’ll put these in the corner?” 

“Um, yeah. That’d be helpful. Thanks.” 

Between the two of them, the bed actually looks pretty presentable within a few minutes. Rei holds up the giant penguin with a smile. “I bought this for you. When you got your job.” 

Oh no. That one is embarrassing.

“You still sleep with it?” Rei asks, tweaking the little orange beak and Nagisa stomps up to grab the penguin for himself. 

“It’s very cuddly, that’s all it—” Rei shuts him up with a kiss, and okay, maybe he can forget being embarrassed for a while. The penguin falls to the floor anyway, while Rei undoes the tie around Nagisa’s waist and tosses the robe aside. It’s very sweet and romantic the way he lays Nagisa down on the mattress, which Nagisa has to ruin of course, by scrambling back up and going to slap off his light. 

There’s a few seconds of dark silence, and then Rei says, “I might have a little trouble if this is your new idea of romantic lighting.” 

“I have little lights,” Nagisa explains, tripping over his discarded robe and saving himself at the last second as he feels his way towards the outlet where he plugs in the star lights, strung up along his wall using tacks. Very romantic lighting, if he does say so himself. He feels a little exposed standing there in the altogether though, so he hurries back to Rei and tugs fruitlessly at the towel around his waist. “I’m naked, so you have to be too.” 

“You’re in such a rush tonight,” Rei tsks, and pushes Nagisa back to the mattress where he can resume his exploration of the spot behind his ear. “Your hair smells nice,” he mumbles, and his hands move down Nagisa’s body, tickling his sides, soothing around his waist, fingers sliding smooth down his thigh to find his knee so he can hitch Nagisa’s leg up. The motion pushes them together, the towel rubbing rough against Nagisa’s cock. He pushes his lips tight shut to prevent any sounds that will give away just how eager he is for this. He’s pretty sure Rei can tell though. He laughs breathlessly and kisses at the hollow of Nagisa’s throat. 

“Okay!” Nagisa squirms free and flips Rei over onto his back, their legs hanging off the edge of the mattress. “You are definitely better at this than I remember. But the towel is coming off.” 

Rei nods along. “Also my glasses. These frames are expensive.” 

Nagisa sits back to let Rei set his glasses carefully on the floor. “I feel like you’re still mad about that.” 

“Mad about what?” 

“The time I broke your glasses during sex.” 

“I’m not still mad.” Rei grins and darts up to kiss him. “Now it’s just funny in hindsight. And I’ll always remember to never...ah...never blow you while trying to see at the same time.” 

Nagisa hmmphs and tugs the towel away in one fluid motion. There, that’s better. He slides down Rei’s body and kisses that freckle at the top of his ribcage. “Well, _ I _ can see just fine.” 

“Nagisa…” Rei begins, but cuts that off with a groan as Nagisa shuffles off the mattress altogether to take Rei in his mouth. “Nagisa, you don’t have to…” They’re both fully aware that Nagisa doesn’t enjoy giving blowjobs, being the combination of an overactive gag reflex and general perplexity that some people think it hot to choke on someone else’s penis. Rei had explained it once as simply enjoying the fact he was making Nagisa feel good, and then they’d broken his glasses. But that’s what Nagisa does now. Focuses on the way Rei gasps and squirms, how his legs go stiff and start to shake, voice cutting in and out. “Nagi—ah, ah!—Nagisa, I’m…”

Nagisa pulls back and wipes the drool from his chin in an unsexy way, hand stroking up and down Rei’s length leisurely, wet with spit and precome. Mmm, yes, he can appreciate how red Rei’s face has gone, even in the dim lighting, the way his damp hair has gotten all mussed, how he has a hand clamped over his mouth to try to stay quiet. He wets the fingertips of his other hand and reaches up to rub at Rei’s nipple, feels it harden beneath his touch as Rei’s breath stutters. “Does this feel good, Rei-chan?” 

Rei nods helplessly. 

Nagisa nods too and lowers his head back down, kisses Rei’s stomach before returning to his real destination. “You come whenever you want to,” he says in what he hopes is a sultry voice before taking Rei’s cock in his mouth once more. 

It doesn’t take much longer before Rei is tapping urgently at Nagisa’s shoulder, and Nagisa pulls away before any come can get anywhere near his taste buds. He crawls up the mattress instead and teases Rei’s nipples a little more while Rei shakes and his body heaves and he groans when Nagisa gives one nipple a particularly hard little twist. Nagisa takes pity on him and focuses instead of laving kisses all over Rei’s face and neck and shoulders. 

“You’re better at that than I remember,” Rei finally manages, and grins at Nagisa when he turns his head. “Are you...was that…?” 

Okay for him? That’s what Rei wants to ask. It was always what he asked. Nagisa leans in to kiss Rei, slow, their warm breath mingling together. “It was good,” he answers, and shifts uncomfortably. Not that he was turned on by giving a blow job, but watching Rei orgasm had done a pretty good job of getting him half-hard already. Rei glances down between them. 

“Oh,” he says, and kisses Nagisa again. “Give me...five minutes. I need...to...to recharge. Please tell me you have lubricant somewhere.” 

“I do masturbate on occasion,” Nagisa tells him dryly, and then points towards his dresser. “Top drawer. Under my socks.” He’s relieved they’d already agreed to no condom, because that would have led to a very sexually frustrated trip to the convenience store.

“Right.” Rei drags a blanket up to wrap around his shoulders as he stands, grabs his glasses from where he’d abandoned them on the floor, and travels to the dresser. “Nice to see your taste in clothes hasn’t changed.” 

“Ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Nagisa shifts up the bed so he can lay down on the pillows. It’s a warm August evening so he doesn’t feel cold at all, but feels a little silly lying in the middle of his huge mattress with not a stitch on. But before he can pull another blanket to cover himself, Rei is back, container of lube held tight in one hand. He stops and scans Nagisa toe to tip of his head. 

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” he admits, and kneels on the mattress by Nagisa’s bent legs. “Six hours ago I was grading papers worrying about this blind date and now I’m with you and you actually want to  _ be with me _ and...oh no…” He turns his face away, but Nagisa can still see how wet his eyes are. 

Nagisa sits up, takes Rei’s face in his hands, and wipes the tears from Rei’s cheeks as he presses their foreheads together. “Me neither,” he whispers, eyes sliding closed. “I can’t believe this. But maybe it is the universe giving us a sign, huh? Like that stupid wonderful daisy.” He tucks Rei’s hair behind his ear and slowly slides the glasses off, pushes them off to the side. Kisses Rei on each eyelid, feels the truth bubble up to his tongue, inescapable words he never imagined himself saying again but feel so right to let free. “I love you, Rei-chan. Just so you know. I hope you love me again someday too.” 

Rei frowns. “You think I ever stopped?” And he bears Nagisa back down into the mattress. 

Every touch is electric. Nagisa kisses everywhere his mouth can reach as he hears the top snap off the container of lube. “Let me make you feel good,” Rei breathes in his ear, and Nagisa nods, eyes flown wide open to watch every microexpression on Rei’s face. 

“Yes, yes, please, Rei-chan…” 

Rei’s hand trails down from his neck to his waist, down to his leg and then back around. Nagisa positively  _ whimpers  _ as Rei’s fingers finally reach their mark and that’s when his damn phone starts ringing from the pile of his discarded robe. 

“Ignore it,” Rei orders, but Nagisa can’t. He rolls over with the most regretful roll of anyone in existence ever, and paws along the floor until he can reach his robe and his phone jingling merrily in the pocket. 

“It’s Gou-chan,” he explains, and answers. 

“Nagisa?” 

“Yeah, what’s up Gou-chan?” he replies, trying not to sound like he’s in the middle of some pretty awesome sex with his (ex?) boyfriend. 

“You said you’d call me after the date!” Oh yeah, whoops, he had said that. “So, was he creepy? Do you need to stay at my place again?” 

“He was a little creepy,” Nagisa says, and snorts when Rei reaches over to smack his leg.

“What’s so funny?” Gou asks. 

“Nothing, nothing, I’m just…” He really doesn’t want to get bogged down into the conversation about this right now because he knows it’ll be a long one. “Just home now, watching television. And I’m, uh…” He fakes a yawn. “Super tired, so I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?” 

She pauses before agreeing. “Yeaaaah, okay. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.” And then, because he doesn’t say this enough, “Love you, Gou-chan.” 

The pause is even longer this time. “I love you too,” she says at last, tone warm, and ends the call. Nagisa silences his phone and tosses it back on his robe. He laughs when Rei grabs him by one leg and yanks him back across the mattress. 

“Creepy?” Rei asks, sounding wounded, once he’s got Nagisa beneath him once more. Nagisa just laughs, and then chokes on it when Rei returns to what he was doing before they were interrupted. Fingers brushing against that most private part of him has his hips jolting upwards and Rei has a wide grin as he scoops some lube into his fingers and rubs it between his hands to warm it, an unnecessary but very sweet gesture. He traps Nagisa underneath himself and draws lazy circles with his fingers around his entrance as his lips map a messy line down Nagisa’s neck and up his jawline. 

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa groans, and then sighs happily as he feels one finger push inside. 

Rei takes his sweet time with one finger and rests his head against Nagisa’s collarbone. “Is this what you do when you’re by yourself?” he asks in a rasp. 

“No, I go a damn bit quicker, actually.” 

Rei laughs and leans over to kiss the corner of Nagisa’s mouth. “Sorry, I want to make this last.” 

“We can just do it again tomorrow.” 

Another finger joins the first, sweet stretch that hurts just right. “Hush,” Rei chastises him, and kisses that spot on his neck again, because Nagisa has never had very sensitive nipples. Nagisa moans and lifts one leg to give Rei easier access, and the two fingers suddenly push that much farther into him. 

“Rei-chan!” 

“Yes?” Like butter wouldn’t melt...

“Rei-chan!” 

His (ex?) boyfriend has turned into a  _ sadist _ . 

“More!” he begs, and doesn’t protest as Rei flips him over onto his belly. His cock is way too hard than it has any right to be and rubs against the sheets in the most perfect way. Rei kisses unknown patterns over the backs of Nagisa’s shoulders and buries his nose in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of his shampoo once more. His fingers move agonizingly slow inside, almost exploratory, carefully stretching. Nagisa whines, and if it was anyone other than Rei, he’d be mortified by how openly he wants this, needs this. It’s been seven years too long. “Rei-chan…”

Rei curls his fingers and Nagisa can feel him searching, but, honestly, just this feels good enough already. Not that he’s complaining when Rei does find that particular crook of his fingers that makes him muffle embarrassing sounds into the mattress. He can feel Rei chuckling against his skin as the two fingers withdraw. There’s the sound of more lube squelching between Rei’s hands as he warms it, and then his hand is back, drawing soothing lines up and down his spine before trying to fit a third finger inside. 

“Come on.” Rei urges him up onto his knees, ass in the air and fists clenched in the blankets, face buried and burning red. Rei’s free hand, also slightly sticky with lube, rubs his shoulders, his legs, his back, trying to make this easier as his body slowly accepts the third finger, and then he jolts forward with a cry as Rei’s pinky slips inside as well. “Sorry, sorry,” Rei whispers, nuzzling his hair and twisting his fingers to brush against his prostate again. 

“Rei-chan…” It’s practically a sob, and Rei stills. 

“Does it hurt?” 

Nagisa shakes his head and knows how completely debauched his face looks when Rei grabs his chin in a gentle hand to turn it to the side so they’re eye to eye. “Please!” he begs, and cries out once more when Rei’s fingers hit his prostate again. The way things are going, he’s going to come just from Rei’s hand. He longs to reach for his cock, heavy beneath him, but he’s also stubbornly determined to come from Rei alone this time. 

Rei kisses his nose. “How do you want it?” 

“Immediately.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” It isn’t sarcastic. Rei had always been very conscious of what position Nagisa wanted to use, no matter who had been on top or bottom. Nagisa had assumed it was a sort of virgin thing and that Rei would drop it once they slept together often enough, but he never had. But that was Rei, wasn’t it? Always looking after Nagisa, in all the big ways, and the small. 

“So I can see you,” Nagisa answers, and makes a noise of displeasure when Rei withdraws his fingers. 

“Hold on…” Rei mutters, and somehow Nagisa gets flipped back over onto his back, legs spread wide. “Extra pillow?” 

Nagisa flings a hand out and reaches around blindly until his fingers find another pillow. Rei places it beneath his lower back, leaving him feeling incredibly exposed but not vulnerable, never vulnerable. Nagisa reaches for Rei’s shoulders and draws him down for a long kiss, feels both their lengths hot between him and is just a little smug that Rei is ready to go again so quickly. He snakes a hand down and rubs at the head of Rei’s cock. “All set?” 

“Mmm.” Rei’s brow furrows with concentration as he sits back, and Nagisa can feel the press against him, just a bit bigger than four fingers if he remembers right, and then Rei is grabbing his arm to press kisses from wrist to elbow as he slowly sinks inside. Nagisa sucks in a sharp breath and holds it until Rei is all the way in, and lets it out carefully when Rei settles between his legs and kisses Nagisa’s cheek. “Do you feel alright?” 

Nagisa hums and closes his eyes. He feels for Rei’s face and smooths fingers over his frown, threads his hand through Rei’s hair and draws him down, close, so Rei’s face is pressed into his neck. He hikes his legs up around Rei’s waist and gasps at the change in position. If he could only absorb Rei into his body, keep him here wrapped up and safe in the warm summer night and soft glow of star lights. “I love you, Rei-chan,” he says, and bucks his hips to urge Rei to move. “Fuck me. Please.” 

Rei nods against him and draws out agonizingly slow and controlled before pushing back in, just as careful. He reaches down and lifts Nagisa’s hips just a little, and then tries again. His cock rubs along in all the right places, and Nagisa bites back the sounds that threaten to slip through his lips. No need to give Rei an inflated ego, after all. Again, again, slow, slow. Gentle kisses along his neck. “Rei-chan…” 

Rei pauses, and it’s infuriating how he can just stop like that, with his cock half in and half out. “Does it feel okay?” He lifts his head to brush noses with Nagisa and then kisses him again. “Does it hurt?” More little kisses beneath Nagisa’s jaw. Nagisa opens his eyes and stares up at star lights, chest heaving. He needs Rei to push back inside  _ now _ , to go hard and fast and angle it just right so that Nagisa forgets his own name, until the only name he knows is Rei’s so he can gasp it breathless and helpless as he lies back and just _ takes _ it, he needs Rei to fuck him like it’s been seven years because every brush of Rei’s cock against his prostate seems to make a little bit more of that time disappear. 

But he doesn’t know how to say that. Not out loud. Not to Rei. “It doesn’t hurt,” he says instead, but Rei doesn’t start moving again. In fact, he slips out altogether. For a moment, part of Nagisa is terrified Rei is leaving, but Rei just fumbles for his glasses and then stares down at Nagisa with eyes narrowed. 

“Then what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong.” 

“Why are you lying? It always shows on your face.” Rei’s thumb follows the curve of Nagisa’s cheek. “Do you not want to do this? I understand if it’s too fast.” 

Ridiculous Rei. “It’s not too fast.” Nagisa grabs Rei’s face in both hands and holds him there, cheeks all squished, glasses askew. “I just...want...want to forget that the past seven years ever even happened, okay? I want you to...to hold me down and fuck me like I’m going to be yours forever and you’re going to be mine forever and I want you to fuck me so hard it makes  _ you _ see stars and I want to come and still feel you inside me, I want to come and for you to fuck me all the way through it because  _ I need to know that this is real Rei-chan _ , that’s all it is, I promise!” He squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head to the side as he releases Rei’s face and waits for the stammering. 

It doesn’t come. Instead, he feels fingers playing at his wrists, and suddenly his arms are pinned to the mattress. He stares wide-eyed up at Rei, who’s pouting a bit. “I  _ did _ ask how you wanted it.” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you needed all the gory details.” Nagisa strains upward to kiss Rei again, but his pinned wrists won’t let him. He falls back to the mattress with a huff. “Well, how do  _ you _ want it? Slow and gentle, right? Making love? That’s what we’re good at. That’s what we can do.” 

The hands around his wrists flex and then tighten, and Rei leans down over him with a new sort of look in his eye. He kisses Nagisa and then whispers against his lips, “Seven years is a long time. Maybe I do kind of want to hold you down and do all those things you said.” 

Nagisa blinks and shakes his head a little. “That’s not the twenty-three year old Rei-chan I remember.” 

Another kiss, this time with a laugh. “Well, like you said, I might have gotten a little better at this.” One of Nagisa’s wrists is freed for a moment and he feels Rei getting positioned all over again. He pulls Nagisa’s leg up to his waist and pushes in, the sudden feeling of fullness making Nagisa moan. And then both wrists are trapped again and Rei is thrusting in and out, in and out, fast and strong and  _ perfect _ . “Like this?” he asks, breathing labored, and Nagisa nods frantically. 

“Yes, yes, like this, like this, please don’t stop…”

“I don’t plan on it,” Rei mutters, and drops his head back to Nagisa’s neck, glasses digging into his skin and teeth nipping lightly along his pulse point. 

The mattress is thudding ever so slightly against the wall with every rapid thrust. Good thing he never invested in a headboard, Nagisa thinks belatedly, and hikes his other leg up so every push inside is fucking  _ bliss _ . 

“Rei-chan!” 

Thud. 

“Rei-chan!” 

Thud. Thud. Oh God. 

“Rei-chan, I love you!” 

He can barely make out Rei’s reply, mumbled against his neck. “Love...you...too…” 

This is the best sex he’s ever going to have in his life. Rei’s mouth against his neck is hot and wet and claiming and it’s like the disaster speed date never happened, like Aito was never a thing, and Nagisa is going to have Rei write down every fantasy he’s ever had in a fucking  _ notebook _ just so Nagisa can repay him for this moment. 

“I want to get a food mixer!” he says, staring at the star lights jolting back and forth in his eyes. “A red one! A big one! The kind you use for baking, the really serious sort of baking! That way I’ll feel guilty and actually learn how to bake. And color-coded folders for bills and paychecks and all that stuff! And I want to get one of those fancy closet organizer things so we always have room for our shoes!” He pauses. His ability to babble even during sex is rather amazing. “I don’t know why I’m saying this now, it’s totally unsexy, but there’s all sorts of new things I want with you we never had before. All those things we never had that show we really mean to grow old together.” 

It’s makes Rei pause. He stops, cock buried deep inside Nagisa, and lifts his head. His expensive glasses have nearly fallen off the end of his nose. Nagisa wonders why he hasn’t taken them off again. 

“Will you laugh at me?” he asks. 

“If you do something stupid, yeah,” Nagisa answers honestly. 

Rei smiles and shakes his head a little. “Fine. You know what I want to do?” 

“Keep fucking me?” 

“That too, but mostly I want to marry you.” Rei releases Nagisa’s wrists so he can push his hair back and fix his glasses. “After we get things figured out. Like whose apartment we’re going to live in, or if we want to get a new one completely. I want...I want something legal and binding that we do in front of all our friends so if we ever have stupid arguments we still have those rings that will remind us…” He clears his throat and fiddles with his bangs. “Remind us that being apart wasn’t...wasn’t what we wanted, so we better make being together something wonderful.” 

Nagisa loops his arms around Rei’s neck and smiles. He can even forget how close he is to coming for this one moment. “That’s not legal yet in Japan, Rei-chan.” 

“Well, then we go somewhere where it’s legal, make it a vacation, make it special!” Rei presses his lips together hard and glances to the side before looking back down to Nagisa. “Is that stupid? 

Nagisa tightens his arms and brings Rei back to him for a kiss. He guides Rei’s mouth open and dips his tongue inside, tries to see if he can do this better than he used to. Rei doesn’t gag, at least, so that’s something, and after a moment he responds, tentatively slipping their tongues together in a French kiss that maybe isn’t great, but gets the message across. “I will marry you,” Nagisa tells him seriously after he breaks the kiss. “In front of all our friends and family, I will make an honest woman out of you, Rei-chan.” He laughs a little and kisses Rei’s nose before removing his glasses. “Okay, I’m not taking the flak for when these fall off and break on my face.” 

“I want to see your face though,” Rei pouts, and Nagisa kisses him again for that even as he puts the glasses aside. 

“So can I...like...get down on one knee in a really public place and give you a ring?” A delightful idea hits him. “What if I snuck into one of your lectures and asked in front of all your students?” 

Rei looks scandalized. “Absolutely not!”

“Okay, a dinner with all our friends! Can I? Can I?” 

Rei sighs and draws out to the tip before pistoning his hips forward hard. Nagisa’s unprepared for it and doesn’t have time to bite back his cry. He clings to Rei and squeezes his knees to urge Rei to keep going. 

“Fine, that’s okay, we can do that,” Rei grits out, and fucks into Nagisa again. Again. Again. Punching wrecked noises out of him with every thrust, and Nagisa’s vision blurs. He clenches both hands in Rei’s hair and keeps him close, feel Rei’s breath upon his skin, the bit of drool he leaves upon Nagisa’s neck when he kisses it again. The mattress hitting the wall, the sound of contact every time Rei shoves inside, Nagisa’s own helpless noises—every detail seems suddenly so important. Star lights strung along the wall and the feel of rumpled sheets beneath his back. He needs to remember this, to remember this feeling in his chest he doesn’t know, some regret and some unbearable sadness and some excitement and a bit of disbelief and mostly a lot of love. Whatever this feeling is, he can feel tears trickling down his face into his hair and onto the bed and then Rei pushes in just right and everything is suddenly a thousand times more. 

“Rei-chan, Rei-chan, Rei-chan,” he sobs, feels the orgasm curling his toes and clenching his fingers, feels his come spill hot against his stomach as his legs shake and he throws his head back against the mattress. And it just...doesn’t stop. The sensations don’t leave, even after his cock is spent, and Rei just starts nipping at the underside of his jaw and keeps fucking him while Nagisa’s come spreads warm between them and it’s too much, way too much for Rei to keep pushing in, scraping past that sensitive spot with every thrust, but it’s exactly what Nagisa had asked for and he loves it, needs it, feels every movement inside him like he’s a hundred times more sensitive than usual, and that’s when it hits him: Rei is really here, panting on top of him as he fucks Nagisa fast and hard just like he’d asked, Rei is really here and he  _ wants Nagisa back _ and this stupid blind date is the best thing that might have happened to him in years (or ever, maybe) because he  _ loves _ Rei and Rei loves him back and they actually get their impossible second chance at making things work and daisies are the symbol of new beginnings and things like this just don’t happen in real life, not to him, except the proof otherwise is right here, right here, right  _ here  _ with every time Rei fucks inside him and Nagisa is crying with warm tears streaming down his cheeks and onto the mattress and dripping into his ears and he feels Rei shudder and then his come is spreading inside, just more proof that this is real and not an insane dream. Rei tries to flop off of Nagisa but Nagisa keeps his arms and legs wrapped tight around him so he can’t go anywhere. 

Rei lifts his head when he hears Nagisa sniffle. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks in alarm. 

“No. I’m just…” Another big sniff. His whole body begins to tremble. “This is real,” he sobs, squeezing his eyes shut against the flood of tears. “You’re really here and we...we still love each other and I can’t believe it. Everyone kept trying to get me to date but it never worked out and maybe it was all because I had to wait a little longer for you…” 

“Nagisa…” Rei whispers, and tries again to move. 

“No,” Nagisa mumbles, and tightens his hold even more. 

“I want to grab a blanket,” Rei says with a little snort. “And don’t you want me to pull out at some point?” 

“No.” Nagisa hides his face in Rei’s shoulder. “Blanket would be okay though.” 

Rei sighs. “That’s going to be really hard to manage if I’m not allowed to pull out.” 

Nagisa sighs even louder. “Fine.” He unwraps his legs and arms and winces as Rei pulls out. He can feel the come starting to spill out of him as Rei fetches his glasses and then crawls across the mattress to fetch a blanket. Rei pauses for a moment to stare. 

“You look really...obscene,” he says after a pause. 

Nagisa wipes the worst of the snot and tears from his face. He’s all sweaty and also sticky with his own come on his stomach. “I feel obscene.” 

“Do you want me...washcloth?” Rei makes a vague wiping motion with one hand. 

“That sounds like a morning problem,” Nagisa declares, and beckons for Rei to join him. Rei rolls his eyes but flops down onto the mattress next to him. The blanket is big enough to comfortably swaddle them both. “I’m gross and sticky,” Nagisa warns Rei, but Rei just shushes him as he pulls Nagisa to his chest. 

“ _ My _ gross and sticky.” 

Nagisa smiles and reaches up to play with Rei’s hair some more. “It’s longer now. Your hair. Doesn’t it get in your way?” 

“Um...sometimes.” Rei blows upward and his bangs settle off to the side. “But every time I think about getting a haircut, it just seems like a silly thing to spend money on.” 

“Remember that time I gave you a haircut?” 

“And my hair clogged up the drain and we spent three days trying to fix it ourselves so the landlord wouldn’t ever find out?” 

“Well, yeah, of course that time, because we never did it again.” 

“Gee, wonder why?” 

Nagisa laughs and butts his head against Rei’s chest. “That was a fun time. Even though we got mad at each other.” He pauses, thinks the words over in his head, and then adds, “A lot of the things we fought about seem silly. Do you think we’d fight if that happened again now?” 

“Okay, well, first off, I think we learned our lesson about home haircuts so that’s not applicable.” Rei kisses the top of his head. “I think we’ve grown. I mean, we’re both in our thirties now so I’d hope we’ve grown from who we were in our early twenties. And we’re not dealing with school and jobs and not knowing how to pay bills and handle first relationships all at the same time anymore. But I’m not coming into this thinking that just because we’re back together means we’ll never fight.” Another kiss, and Rei’s hand begins to comb through Nagisa’s hair, fingers catching in the tangles. “We’ll fight. About more serious things now, I’m sure. More mature things. I think the difference is I know how to deal with that now without saying hurtful things that I’ll only regret, and hopefully you’ve learned not to just pack your bags and leave every time we hit a speedbump. And if you did, I’d follow you right to Gou-san’s place and wait for you to come back with me.” 

Nagisa smiles. “I wouldn’t run. I’ve gotten a little better about that, at least.” Well, not that he’s actually proven himself better at being in relationships. But he doesn’t see himself running now. He’s avoided seeing Rei for years, true, but If he was ever going to run, it would have been when he saw Rei sitting across from him at the restaurant table. He begins to rub his hands up and down Rei’s shoulders. Still so muscular. “Did you...did you mean what you said about marrying me or was that just the sex talking?” 

Rei’s hand pauses in his hair and then tilts Nagisa’s face up so they’re eye to eye. “I meant it. Of course, I don’t think we should get married right away. We need to time to adjust to being together again. But when you think the time is right, I give you full permission to propose to me in front of all our friends.” 

“Still a no-go on the student thing?” 

“Never.” 

“You’re no fun, Rei-chan.” 

Rei smiles. “But you love me.” 

Well, he’s got him there. “I do.” Nagisa kisses Rei’s collarbone with the gentlest kiss he can manage. “I really do.” 

He falls asleep soon after that, with Rei’s hands in his hair and their legs intertwined. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed the simple sound of Rei’s breathing. So simple a thing, and yet with every inhale and exhale, Rei is there, Rei is there, Rei is there.

 

* * *

 

Nagisa wakes when Rei does, stirred by the sudden lack of warmth at his front. He rubs his eyes and watches Rei trying to rub the smears from his glasses. The morning light is stealing through the blinds he didn’t close last night, and even though he’s covered in dry come and cold sweat, everything is perfect. “Dibs on the shower,” he croaks, and Rei smiles at him before leaning down for a gross morning breath kiss which is also somehow perfect. 

“It’s  _ your _ shower.” 

Nagisa takes the blanket with him when he stands up and starts to bound towards the shower before remembering that the only thing between his legs for the last several years has been his fingers or the little vibrator he has stored in the same drawer as the lube. Things hurt. He wouldn’t have had last night any other way but still. Ow. 

Which is how Rei ends up helping him to the shower, anxiously muttering to himself the whole time while Nagisa assures him that it’s fine, it’s fine, Rei-chan, a shower will help a lot, please stop freaking out. He orders Rei out of the bathroom when Rei suggests washing his hair for him, and then Nagisa sits in the bottom of the shower, feeling the warm water work its magic. He washes his chest and back and does actually wash his hair again before turning his attention to the mess between his legs. Yeah, still really sore, but he gets cleaned up and hauls himself back to his feet feeling much better. Nothing a hearty breakfast won’t be able to fix. 

He bundles up in a towel and waddles back to his room to announce to Rei the shower is back open for business. Rei is on him immediately, examining him head to toe, wincing when he finds hickies or bruises and reminding Nagisa so very much of his twenty-three year old self. “Go shower, Rei-chan. I can’t make breakfast with you hovering over me!” Nagisa pushes Rei in the direction of the door and turns to his dresser. It’s Rei, so it’s fine if Nagisa wears his comfiest sweatpants and a worn t-shirt he’d inherited from Chiasa. He combs his hair a little with his fingers and then goes to the kitchen. He has eggs. He has rice. He has really sugary cereal but Rei probably wouldn’t appreciate that. He has miso buried in the back of one cupboard from that time his parents visited. Alright, that’ll have to do. 

Nagisa is in the middle of getting the rice in the cooker when he hears his apartment door open and shut. Besides a burglar with really odd hours, there’s only one person that could be. The only person he gave a spare key to. 

Still hobbling slightly, Nagisa rushes to the hallway to find Gou slipping her shoes off. She beams at him. “Thought I’d come get all the dirty details. Since your date was so creepy. Are you making breakfast?” She nods to the ladle in his hand. 

“Um...yeah.” Nagisa tries to turn his head in a way that will hide the worst of the love bites. “I am...definitely making breakfast. Which you know I’m not very good at, so I can’t really talk while—”

“I can help,” Gou says, brushing past him into the kitchen and living area. “Rice? You never do rice.” 

The couch is still a mess from last night, pillows lost on the floor and decorative blanket in a pile along with a lot of their clothes, right there for her to see if she just glances to the side. “Ah!” Nagisa cries, and runs into the kitchen as fast as he can (ow) and practically hits Gou in the nose when he tosses the miso paste at her. “I’m feeling very traditional today, so…” 

She squints at him from across the counter and then points at his neck. “Nagisa, what is—?”

“Nagisa?” a voice calls from the bathroom. “I’m sorry but there aren’t any more spare towels in here, can you grab me something?”

Gou freezes in place, still staring in Nagisa’s direction. Then, slowly, she leans over the counter. “You said the blind date was creepy!” she hisses. “Why would you…?”

“Nagisa?” Rei calls again, and Gou stands bolt upright. 

“I know that voice,” she says, and turns to march towards the bathroom. 

“Gou-chan!” Nagisa calls out helplessly after her, but it’s too late. 

“Rei?” Gou shrieks, sound carrying throughout the entire apartment, as does the sound of Rei screaming. And they keep doing that, trading screams back and forth in a way that’s sure to wake the neighbors and doesn’t seem to stopping any time soon.

Nagisa sighs and starts the rice cooker. Well, the cat’s out of the bag. The most he can do is make enough rice for three.

 

* * *

 

Haru and Rin happen to be back in Japan at the same time for once in a blue moon, so of course it’s decided that a swim team dinner needs to be arranged. Everyone chatters happily through drinks, through dinner, through dessert, and then, as the conversation begins to wind down, Nagisa feels for the little box in his pocket. 

Rei knows that it’s coming of course. Nagisa had measured his finger for it the moment Gou started putting the dinner together. The ring had been a little more expensive than the red food mixer in their new apartment Nagisa is gradually forcing himself to bake with, but even if Rei knows the ring is coming, he doesn’t have to know what it looks like. 

Somehow, or perhaps inevitably, they end up walking as a group down to the pier where they can watch the lights dance across the water. Some of them still carry drinks in their hand, or stopped to pick up something from an oden stand the way there. 

_ There won’t be an end to us _ . Haru had said that once, here, or at least not far from here. 

It’s taken eight full years for Rei and Nagisa to figure that back out. But as many regrets Nagisa might have about how things ended the first time, if he has the chance now to spend the rest of his life with Rei, that’s just fine with him. 

Rei might know it’s coming, but that doesn’t mean anybody else does. Nagisa hears the gasps when he drops to one knee and pulls the box from his pocket. 

“Fucking finally,” someone mutters in the background—probably Rin but also possibly Romio—as Nagisa pops the box open. The ring shines in the lights reflected off the river, the tiny sapphires embedded in the silver shaped like calming waves sparkling bright blue. 

“Marry me, Rei-chan?” he asks with his most charming smile. 

And Rei pulls him to his feet and kisses him like there’s no one watching. 

“Always,” he whispers, and lets Nagisa slip the ring on his finger while their friends either cheer, cry, or keep muttering about how it took them long enough. Nagisa grins and kisses Rei again, just because he can.

Maybe they do get their happily ever after. 

Didn’t you know daisies stand for new beginnings?


End file.
